Grey

Today has been a grey day. The sky has been grey. My jumper is grey. My face is grey. And to be honest I have felt a little grey. Maybe more than a little.

I had my first dose of Taxol two says ago. It’s been ok ish. I feel sleepy and weary. I have had sore spots breaking out on my hands and feet. I have had various strong aches which ibuprofen has mainly dealt with. My eyelids are very red and look half shut. But it’s not too bad. Bearable. Manageable.

The lack of energy has meant I’ve been a bit bored. That’s probably why I feel grey. I feel like taking a picture of myself and posting it on Facebook and telling all those people who smoke to stop it right now because cancer makes you grey. To be fair, I’ve felt like shouting at people who smoke since I first got my diagnosis. It doesn’t quite seem fair that smokers can get away with it but lots of us don’t do anything too unhealthy and still get cancer. A lot of people who smoke don’t seem to care if they get ill. I want to show them that they should I care because being ill with cancer ain’t fun.

Grey grey grey.

The fact that it is almost dark before 6.30 in the evening isn’t helping.

So I’m trying to plan ahead to when it’s not grey. I guess that means next spring. I have 101 ideas for holidays and I’m impatient to book. I want to look ahead, beyond the grey, to the orange and red and yellow and pink. Those are happy colours. Sun. Fun. Nice things. Yes please. No more grey.

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