This morning I ‘fessed up to the kids about the recent developments. I thought it was going to be awful but in the end it wasn’t. They provided us with the perfect opportunity – they both woke up early-ish but after a good sleep, they were relaxed and they were in our bedroom playing on the bed. It was a good environment for breaking the news.
Tali immediately started to cry, which made Joey cry too, although I really don’t think he understood very much at all. She told us she was sad and very worried about me, and I emphasised that it’s fine to feel both those things, and I feel them too, and that it’s ok to cry. I told her that if she wanted to help me then she should talk about how she is feeling and not keep it inside her, or she could talk to any other grown up or her friends. I asked her if she’d like to write down how she’s feeling and/or do some drawings if it is hard to talk about and she said yes, so she has a special notebook for her feelings (which she is happy for me to look at) and she wrote something in it this morning. I’m going to encourage her to keep writing and drawing.
So that’s done. Big relief.
On a separate note, the guy who hit my car also ‘fessed up and admitted liability – unwillingly, apparently, but his insurance company advised him to on the facts. I had started to doubt my own judgment and memory – it was making me feel quite stressed. Thankfully it’s sorted, the car is in the garage, and I no longer see the car driving into me when I shut my eyes. Second big relief.
The third confession happened in my counselling session this week. For the first time I consciously acknowledged the fact that I had been obsessing about imagery of the Jewish cemetery. Going to the funeral at the weekend hadn’t helped with this, although to be honest it hadn’t made things worse (except that being there had been very emotionally stressful). Talking about it made me realise how much I’d been dwelling on it. And now – thank goodness – it’s starting to recede.
Three confessions. Bad things come in threes. So no more, thank you.