My final post

I never thought I would be writing this post at least not yet. A couple of weeks ago we went on holiday en famile. It was supposed to be a family treat to give me strength for facing more surgery in the form of a second lumpectomy and SIRT. Instead, it turned out to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. I seem to have picked up some sort of bug just before or on holiday, which rendered me really low. That, together with the break from chemotherapy, made my resistance to the liver lodgers impossible to deal with. I spent a lot of time feeling very low and lying on the bed in quite a lot of pain and unable to eat very much, with some days being unable to eat very much at all. Not much fun when you’re on holiday to eat and enjoy the lovely Israeli food we had sought out. I also had my first experience in 20 years feeling sick and throwing up on the airplane on the way back – puking twice on the way home. On top of that I needed a wheelchair at either end of the journey to help me through the airport, which was some shock at the beginning of the holiday and a grateful relief at the end.

I came straight back to a consultation with my breast surgeon to discuss the lumpectomy. He was horrified by the way I looked and insisted that if I had not got better within a matter of hours that he would pull me into hospital. He wanted me admitted to get better, if not for the immediate lumpectomy operation then certainly in time for the SIRT a few days later. And that was it.

I have spent the past ten days in hospitals on the edge of London away from home and my darling children, unfortunately declining swiftly. The infection that rendered me low meant that my liver cannot continue to fight the cancer and there is nothing that can be done and I have been told there are now only palliative options for me. I am hoping to get into a hospice soon although it seems to be a one in one out policy for these wonderful places, for obvious reasons. There at least I hope there will be a degree of peace and a pain-free environment there for me. No one will be able to tell me if it is a few days or weeks, but it certainly won’t be long.

I have been deluged with messages of love which have been lovely, overwhelming, thought provoking and very welcome. There have been many comparisons to my blog and other writings on the subject. I don’t want anyone to compare me to anyone else. This blog, “Fighting Genghis”, was never meant to be a competition for admirers or fame and fortune. I have no issues with the words “fight” or “loss of survival” or “die” unlike other people I have known. It was just my story of what I have been going through over the past almost year. Please remember that. Everyone’s journey is different, everyone’s journey is unique. Please remember me and my family.  Thank you for reading. Rosie

 

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89 thoughts on “My final post

  1. Rosie
    We were always going to be friends- our love of gin saw to that! But over the last year you have inspired me beyond words with your practical, positive and humorous approach to this horrible debilitating disease. Thank you for your friendship and openness. I miss you here at work and the place is not the same without you. I hope you and your family find some peace. Lots of Love Liz x

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  2. Lots of love hugs and prayers you are an inspiration and I am so very sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your bravery

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  3. A friend just shared your blog on FB. I’m sat in my office pretending to plan and buy advertising campaigns for my clients here in Manchester. I’ve just read your “final” blog and then started from your first. Got to October 20th 2014 and as the tears began to well, i decided i’d better read the rest when on my own later. Your writing is searingly honest and i wish I’d known you personally.Your wise words will be here always for your children to read and to “hear” your voice. I have my mum’s diary (three years of it) which she wrote whilst undergoing treatment. It brings me huge joy to “hear” her and read some of the funny moments in those last few years and even some of the horrible sad ones which went with the chemo. To know and understand some of the things that make you smile. Your kids will always know what a strong, courageous, vibrant, successful woman, mother, daughter and wife you were They will feel the very essence of you at times when they might need it and feel huge pride in how their mum coped when such a shitty hand was dealt. I hope that gorgeous family of yours make you smile lots more – you desesrve some fun, chocolate and pink champagne.

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  4. Rosie, I have just read your blog from start to finish. I got home from my teaching job (in Israel), checked fb, saw 2 links to your blog, sat down & read. You are inspiring, honest, intelligent, kind & funny. That’s without even knowing you. You have touched my heart so deeply; I’m sure I’ll think of you for years to come. . If anyone reads my comment, I would like to know your Jewish name, & your mother’s Jewish name. Together with my students & children, we will pray for you, for your family & we will send you love & hope. xxx

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  5. Rosie, I don’t think we’ve met. I knew you from your high reputation and followed your competition postings when you were at LG. I didn’t realise you knew Chris and my school chum Ben until I recognised your profile on Ben’s Facebook wall and was horrified by what I read. Since then you have genuinely been in my thoughts, perhaps because I lost my mum to it and have young children like you. I saw Ben on Wednesday, I spoke of you and he told me about the holiday. Now comes your latest posting which wipes me out. God speed the hospice which, in my fortnight there with mum, was a wholly different experience, and brought a peace which I would not have thought possible before we got in. Keep strong, and know that many people are thinking of you. Stephen

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  6. Rosie, I am privileged to have you in my life and to have enjoyed so many conversations with you personally and professionally. Perhaps the odd glass of wine may have been imbibed along the way after some particularly tough contracts and definitely after the high heel visit to view accelerators :-). My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and also from all of us in Waters Wilmslow who shared many a fun time with you xxxxx

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  7. Dear Rosie, you are on a journey to a place so tranquil and so full of Love, your Precious & beloved Family will grieve and it will be hard for when you depart, but know in your Heart, as tears flow as mine are now, yot will only be on the other side and never far apart. Angels are watching over you , children and family too, we will never know why good go and think it’s not fair too. God Bless you. X

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  8. Hi Rosie and family

    Like many others, I have arrived at your blog late in the day, beginning my journey with you at your final post. I do not know you or have cancer however, I’d like you to know, you are in my thoughts today and will probably be so for many more days. A close friend of mine died 3 years ago from malignant melanoma and left behind a young wife and 15month old little girl. Not a day goes by when he isn’t mentioned, remembered, laughed about or thought about. His daughter knows him too because of this. As a mother myself, I can’t imagine any greater pain than leaving before your children but I’d like to say that you will always be their mummy and you will always be there with them. I hope that this post hasn’t caused you any upset. It wasn’t meant that way. You are a brave lady with little choice in outcome but your honesty, humour and character have decided how you have dealt with it – with courage and dignity. It seems strange telling someone I’ve never met that I will be thinking of them, but I will. Xx

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  9. Rosie, words cant express how much your blog has touched us strangers hearts. With the extra candle lit for you tonight, you & your family are in my prayers & thoughts. Xx

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  10. I am sorry to hear your journey is ending soon. It is so wrong. Please know that your words, and your journey have travelled the world and over in Australia I am reading your words, hearing your experience, and looking at what I can do to ensure my time on this earth has purpose. Thank you for sharing yourself with strangers at this terrible time. I will hug my children tighter, smile and appreciate life more as a result of your words. xxx

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  11. Rosie, you were an extraordinary talented lawyer and we always enjoyed dealing with you at LG. I have thought of you often during this last few years as you fought to stay with Elliot and your kids. Be assured that no matter what the future holds you will always be in their hearts , true love is eternal. I will keep you in my mind and prayers and thank you for sharing just a little part of your life with me. Steohen

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  12. This is heartbreaking.i don’t know you but I will be thinking about you and your children. Cancer is such a horrible illness, my mother died two years ago. I can feel my mother is still around me and I know that your children will experience a similar continuation of their relationship with you. Stay strong and think of what a positive difference you have made to this world. Xxx

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  13. Rosie, there is nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said. Your acceptance of your illness reminds me so much of my late and sorely missed sister, who never once said “why me?”, but only ” why NOT me? “. She never stopped fighting and hoping, knowing that one day a cure will be found and that every cancer sufferer and their unique journey provides the medical world with more insight into how to reach this goal. Believe me when I say that it was her attitude that has carried us through the last 6 years. Her example and legacy means that we know we can now bear anything. We talk about her every day, we laugh at shared memories and of course we cry, because we still love and miss her so much, but it was an honour and a privilege to know her and she has changed us forever. This is the gift that you are also giving to your family and friends and it is priceless beyond words. Be proud Rosie.

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  14. Your story touched me and made cry, you are a warrior,beautiful, Strong and brave, a sister, you will never be forgotten ever, your footprints have already made impressions in the sand, allowing your beautiful children to follow your ironic strength and values…much love and hugs 💞x

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  15. This is just so incredibly sad. You are so brave and have so much integrity, it’s admirable. But this is no consolation. Life is cruel and unpredictable beyond belief. I hope you’ll be at peace and be surrounded by love for as long as possible. Chrissie

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  16. What an honest last blog written so lovingly calm .. does that make sense – wishing I could do or say something to make things a little easier but remember how special you are and how much you are loved near and far …. God Bless you all xxxxx Sue

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  17. Rosie, I have never met you but ( as so many people keep writing) I feel like I know you.
    Your blog is so personal, heartfelt and honest. Thank you for bravely sharing your journey and for your fight. I really hope that this is not your final post. Lots of love to you and your family. We are all praying for you. Xx

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  18. I am the proud owner of a beautiful rose that has been adopted by many of your friends and their friends. It is a beautiful flower and I will always look at it and think about your amazing courage Xxmxx

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  19. Dear Rosie, I am very sad to read your post. But I have read somewhere that using carrot, broccoli and cabbage juice kills cancer cells even at the last stage of cancer, make sure that the veggies should be produced ecologically. please do try to use these juices may be it would bring a miracle in your life. please try it for your children they need you.

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  20. I saw this very strong post today on a friend’s friend’s page and it inspires me with her strength and wisdom.
    I am sure that her next journey was much more joyful than the plane journey she describes

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