As I was putting Joseph to bed tonight he said, as he has done most nights recently, “I miss mummy”. And my reply was the same, that I miss mummy too. He’s a perceptive little boy. Almost immediately, with such a caring tone, he said “Don’t cry daddy, don’t be sad, be happy”. He gets that from Rosie. How can a little boy who has had to endure the loss of his mum at such a young age, have the strength of character to support his dad in that way?
Before she went to sleep Natalie wanted me to tell her more stories of mummy and daddy, so I got out our holiday book. For anyone who didn’t know Rosie, organising holidays were pure nirvana for her. Or as she put it “Rosie porn”! She dreamt about holidays and would start planning our next one before the last one had barely finished. Our holiday book was also firmly Rosie’s responsibility. After each holiday she would religiously write down the most salient points of that particular trip. My involvement was incidental. I was entrusted to print out the photos which Rosie and I had selected.
I’ll admit that I haven’t looked at the book for a while but when I did I was astonished. I’d forgotten that not only had Rosie written about every single one of our family holidays since Natalie arrived, she had also noted down each one of the trips and breaks that she and I had been on since we first met. It’s just one more immense gift that she’s left for Natalie, Joseph and I.
Before she died, one of the many instructions Rosie gave me was to write about our final holiday to Israel in May. Natalie asked tonight if she could write the entry in our holiday book. It seems right that this beautiful task should pass from mummy to daughter. The odd thing about it is that our holiday book has just one page left…