Sad and angry…with myself

While I’ve been mulling on my next blog I had a flashback to my birthday last year. Rosie bought me a piece of baking equipment and I was typically ungrateful when she gave it to me, because I didn’t think I’d use it. I’m not going to try to justify my behaviour. With her gone I remembered what a gittish thing that was to do. 

Today I met with a lovely literary agent who was giving me advice on getting Rosie’s blog published as a book. She recounted Rosie’s post on 29th July 2014. My birthday. And now I’ve just re-read it. What a colossal arse I was. I hope I said that at the time to Rosie when I read the blog. I’ve not felt angry until now. Now I’m spitting feathers. What a shitty thing to do. I’m angry with myself. 

There is nothing I can do to take it back and I know Rosie would have known that I meant no harm by it. But she was fragile. She was only a few days into the worst experience of her life and the man she should have been able to turn to for support failed her. 

Rosie, I’m sorry. 

Elliot

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3 thoughts on “Sad and angry…with myself

  1. don’t beat yourself up, I’m sure you were just reacting as you would have done normally and I know from experience that being normal when things are clearly very abnormal is quite a comfort. My younger brother was terminally ill with cancer and we children hadn’t been told. Obviously he was ill but we had no idea how seriously,so we carried on behaving as children and those close to one another do ie. arguing and generally being arses ! I once told him to keep his hair on which I look back on now with a mixture of shame and the knowledge that he must’ve felt safe in the normal family argybargy. I am glad that my family are treating me as a normal person too. Kindest wishes to you and your family – it must be very hard for you all.

    Liked by 1 person

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