Natalie’s first blog

My name is Natalie Choueka. I am a daughter of a mother that died of breast cancer five months ago, a sister, a niece and a grandchild.
Everything is changing in my life, new school (junior school) and everyone in my family are especially sad. I love the world but life is just not the
same without two parents to take care of me and my brother.

In my point of view Dad would do anything for my mum, absolutely anything. I would do anything aswell, I would throw away my favourite top if she told me to. I love her to bits and I still do. Forever! I have watched a video of me coming out of the hospital, when I was a tiny baby and when we got home my mum took me to the room that is now my brother’s bedroom.

I have also watched a video of me when I was a little bit older than just a baby.  I didn’t see her but I think that my mum was in the video, well I definitely heard her and I think I saw her hand in the video aswell! I wish I could have said one last goodbye to my mum and say that I love her to the stars and back, the way we always did to one another. She would have said she loved me even more like 1 million thousand time more.Well that at least what I think  she would have said . We all miss her so, so, so much  forever and ever!

Natalie

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14 thoughts on “Natalie’s first blog

  1. Hi. You’re a star! I work with Grief Encounter organisation. I know how important it is to be able to express your feelings, however, whenever.

    You’re a brave person! Go girl. X

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  2. Dear Natalie,
    What an amazing girl you are! My mum also died from breast cancer 29 years ago, when I was almost 7. You are amazing for sharing your feelings, it’s so important to keep doing so. Keep talking about your mum and looking at the photos and videos you have. I know it’s really hard to not have a mum around. You’re so amazing for sharing and clearly have gained these qualities from her.Xxx

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  3. Dear Natalie,
    I know how hard this is for you but sharing your felings on here is a very brave thing to do. I was 14 when my daddy passed away from a very rare cancer, but in those days there was nowhere to share how you were feeling. I know why you can hear your Mummy’s voice in that video but can’t see it. She was probably the one taking the video. I am sure if you could have seen your mummy before she passed away the conversation between you both would have been exactly how you imagine xxx

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  4. Hi Tali 🙂
    I hope you don’t mind me calling you that, but it’s how I think of you, having read about you on your Mum’s blog. I love that you and your Dad are keeping up your Mum’s legacy by sharing your story with us all.
    It must be so, so hard for you at the moment but no matter how tough things are you know in your heart that your mummy did love you a million thousand times over – because that’s what mum’s do. And your mum will go on loving you forever and ever.
    I know another little girl (aged five) whose mummy died in July and we talk about her lots. We both feel her mummy is watching over us both. I often find little white feathers in my garden, and Kiera knows that her mummy is up in the stars looking down every night. She also looks for clouds in pretty shapes and rainbows – they remind her that her mum’s always around.
    I hope you’ll write again. There are lots of us thinking of you and sending you, your daddy and brother, lots of love.
    Fiona xxx

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  5. Dear Natalie
    I am a good friend of your Aunty Deborah’s and I have had breast cancer. My sister also has it, but will not recover, like I believe I will. I think you are truly amazing how you are dealing with the loss of your wonderful Mum. She was, and I am sure, is, very, very proud of you. I hope you will grow up in the security of her love: you can never, ever doubt that. I look forward to reading more of your blogs. Teresa x

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  6. Hi Natalie

    I eagerly awaited this blog.

    This is so beautifully written. I pray that God gives you lots of happiness. Sad times do change… The key is to stay strong and pray to God

    Your a brave girl and keep it up.

    Keep writing wonderful things. You have lots of people here to support you.

    You deserve a million stars for this blog

    From a stranger who admired your mothers words

    Ghazala xxx

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  7. Natalie
    You are a very brave little girl and you write as beautifully as your mummy.
    You have lots of support. Stay Strong little one.
    Lots of love
    Mx

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    • Talia, I had the privilege to know and work with your Mum and she spoke so lovingly about you and your brother. I am sure she is looking down on you and feeling such pride at your eloquence. Always remember that she wanted the best for you and is always there by your side, guiding and helping you and in all of your hearts. She loved you all unconditionally x

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  8. Hard to write and hard to read too but I love your honesty and it is good to say how you feel – your mum will be so proud of you and the family x

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  9. Dear Natalie,

    What lovely words you have written. I am so sorry that you have lost your Mum.

    My Dad also has cancer. The last time that he went to the doctor they told him that the cancer has spread to other parts of his body. I am worried about my Dad, and I am afraid that I will have to say goodbye to him someday soon. But I am 35, and even though I have been lucky enough to know my Dad for all my life so far, I am still sad. You are a very brave girl for coping so well at such a young age.

    I did not know your Mum, but I have three daughters, and my oldest little girl is only a little bit younger than you. So I know that there is nothing your Mum would not have done to get well and to be able to stay with you if she could have done. I hope that you have many happy, loving memories of her that you will treasure. It is not fair that you had her for such a short time.

    I have said that you are a brave girl and that you are coping well because I can see that from your blog entry. But there will be some days I’m sure when you don’t feel brave and you don’t feel like you’re coping, and that’s ok too. It’s all right if you don’t feel very strong sometimes. I don’t either.

    I wish you and your Dad and your brother all the best.

    With love from a stranger who could not read without replying.
    Vicki xx

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  10. Dear Natalie,

    Your post is very well-written. I’m sure your mum is very proud of you for writing it – sometimes it can be very hard to write about things that make us sad. Like the person who wrote the comment above I am grown up now and in my 30s. My best friend had breast cancer, she died not long after your mum. I loved her very much and I think about her every day – I’m sure you think about your mum every day too. I wanted to say goodbye to my friend but she was too poorly and I didn’t get the chance. I’m sure if you could have seen your mum one last time it would have been just how you said. Remember that love is the most important thing in the world. Even though your mum has passed away you both loved each other very much and that is forever. Love is forever. It’s OK to feel sad too. I hope things go well for you at your new school x

    Alex

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  11. Dear Natalie,
    My name is Ruth. I met your Dad for the first time yesterday and he told me about how proud he was of you, your brother and this blog and I can now see why. He and I have been talking about how we want to do what we can to stop what happened to your Mum (and me) happening to other Mums too. My job is to work out how to do that and I want you to know that I will do my very best. I look forward to meeting you one day but in the meantime, I’d like you to know that words can make a difference to you and other people and yours were fab! Rx

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  12. Hi Natalie. I knew your Mummy through work. I’m a lawyer too and I have a girl (12 years old) and a boy (9 years old). I know your Mum loved you sooo much and she thought you were wonderful and would have done anything for you too. I think your writing is really good and I think it’s a good idea for you to keep a blog if you feel like it. I hope you have some nice friends at school. Emily

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